For anyone enduring the torment that follows the breakdown of an intimate relationship, it is extremely difficult to find acceptance for what has just occurred, as the pain being felt suppresses our ability to rationalise.
The initial phase leads to the process of grieving what was, the never-ending mind video replaying all of our past moments of togetherness, commencing from the moment we met through to the final goodbye.
In a short period of time, we transition to the blame game, supporting our battered ego by visualising all the wonderful things we’ve done for our ex-partner, our sacrifices and the unappreciated value we brought to the relationship.
Whilst all this occurs our bodies are suffering a physical revolt through stress, lack of appetite and motivation for exercise.
It isn’t possible to avoid this pain completely as the speed and intensity with which grief hit’s leaves little time to invoke understanding, unless we are completely attuned to present moment awareness.
We create our own pain through continually revisiting our past memories and trying to bring them into the present. We make statements like, “if only this happened, or they should have done this or that” to create a story which will feel more comfortable for us to live with.
Being courageous enough to believe that nothing from your past can impact you in this present moment UNLESS you allow it to, through continually bringing it into your thoughts, will go a long way to helping you focus on the here and now (i.e. that which is happening in your life right at this very instant). Through not living in the past you eliminate the pain that is associated with those times. There is so much more to learn in effectively dealing with relationship breakdowns, but by starting with learning to not create your own pain, you are off to a great start.
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